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Let's go to sleep in Paris,
And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago | | |
| ... And EVERYTHING in 07.
Yes, folks, everything. Let the new year literally give us a NEW year. So.. I've had a shitload of time to think about my new years resolution.. It was hard at first, but.. I put my mistakes on the spot and recapped and.. Lets just say it was not pretty. But its kind of sad to leave ALL of that behind.. Not the fact of leaving it behind, but.. maybe the memories and the strength and all that corny stuff it resulted into. I miss my summer dude.
I honestly am giving all my potential, and all of me in 2008. I've also realized that if i love cash so much, i'd save it. HAHA. Fuckin sike? Nah, maybeee.  I honestly don't know what the new year will bring... I'm actually kind of scared, to tell you the truth. But I know my motive.. I know my goals.. They're not too far-fetched. I'm pretty certain nothing is out of my reach. I'm making my education a top priority even though its boring as shit. OH AND FUCK! Summers slowly approaching. I wonder if its gonna be anything like 07's -- pause.. NAHT! Its incomparable. Guess all there's left to do is party party party. Nah, I'm not the type. Hm. That's not crisis to think about right now. All in all, I'm fuckin JUIIICED for 08.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I'm ready as ever for the new year. My new years resolution is to be totally honest. My lesson is finally learned and im ready to put that bad boy into action! Oh.. & to find someone to commit to in 2008, cause a little love makes everyone feel better  hehe.
K ima stop now cause this shit is making me sad. 
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| Xanga, (yeah, another stupid guy entry)
So Happy Birthday Dj. For one, he had Gizmo for a night.. And tonight he returned him. And oh, I dont know.. we had the time to talk & shit like that. I'm surprised that he didn't change one bit.. Still expects the least of me in every comment I make. Still investigates the numbers on my phone & some whacky math shit with the calls log.. Hm, probably not surprised.. Rather.. Disappointed, might I say.
I know I lied to him like.. 90% of the time.. Hm, no, let's not put it that much.. Let's say 80%.. Doesn't make a difference, cause its still a high statistic. I was totally able to restrain myself from lying -- But I've gotten used to it lately; Now, I can care less about what he thinks of me.. First of all, he won't ever know how I've changed, & 2nd, I don't depend on loving him for anything.. I'm self-sufficient - Who needs a dumb over-analyzing guy to PROVIDE your happiness.. Absolutely no one. In accordance with the "first of all" sentence, he made it like I was in desperation for another last chance. You know, he's probably right - I was doing fine without him.. But that totally rejects the thought that I might've been better WITH him. And this whole, "when you're ready, Erica" shit.. I'm shaping up. Of course I care - I wouldn't consider writing this blog if I didnt.
Thou shalt not lie.. Well.. literally the whole world does it unless your like.. a totally virginized-from-everything nub with no life & shit. And I understand that lying a few times is ok but its like.. essential for a lesson to be learned. Took me a shitload of years for me to get straight.. But at least I did.. Might he think, xanga, that through all these lies, nonetheless my mentality... (I know this part sounds hella cocky) Despite how advanced my knowledge or intellect is, that i MIGHT JUST FUCKIN BE 0NLY 15? and none of that changes my age. theres a LOT of similarities to ALL 15 year old's no matter how mature they may be. Always.
Xanga, don't get me wrong.. theres a silver-lining to this whole blog, cause.. This is the pride of me speaking. That silver-lining is, I care.. Each person portrays their love differently &.. for a player, it'd probably need 21873123 times to get right. Everyone makes their mistakes, & I'm not dumb. I know what I do wrong. I don't need him to explain that to me. Cause shit, Im still only 15.
Basically, I oppose to a lot of shit you said, Djaron, & if there's hella shit you feel you've got to say to me because you're badly bothered then keep that shit to yourself cause there are a lot of things I wish I owned the balls to say to you.
Happy Birthday YKB as in BluhBluh as in Eat or Sleep as in Bitchface bka Djaron S. Viray.
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| So like.. I read & recapped on all of the previous blog entries. It was such a crisis then, but.. its so silly now. Been a year since the last Christmas, no shit, fuck me right? Haha Yeah, so a year.. This Christmas is a little lonely in a satisfactory way. I'm pretty much chillin' with myself, & the kinfolks; But, hey, that shit is all that should matter on Christmas right? Riight.
Life's finally adequate, & mellow. Have you noticed, like.. 3/4 of the shit on this xanga is guys>girls>me. Dumb guys.. And dumb little fucking me. Puaha. But I've come to adapt to this retarded ass city which holds my two diamond-worth girls, Natasha & Danielle, my one bestfriend for 5ive years, Lawrence Jay. And I don't need to withhold any sort of secrets, cause.. umm.. They're literally all I need. They, who can process, & understand all the shit I've got to say.. Nevertheless, they, who are fun as shit. 15 years, at 61 inches tall, its only now that shit started making sense.
Love's finally off the priority list. Took me so long to realize some boy isn't an ingredient to happiness - SO LONG, like.. practically half my life. You fall into love by chance.. So if I happen apon it, then I happen apon it.. It can easily be interpreted by that instead of just wasting some time waiting for it & shit.
But don't get me wrong & shit; I still can't figure out why I'm drawn to CA$H so bad, & why I fetish all the minor things.. Life's nature is still under scrutiny cause, shit, I'm only 15. 
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| So YKB, & every other shit you are to me.
Three days ago you called me HO. Might as well become a prostitute and sell my body since I do that shit for free. I'm a ho just like R2384u782. Mhm. You know.. i NEVER expected those words EVER to come out of your mouth to me. I don't even know where to begin.. It was irreverent, disrepectful, immature.. There's so many things you determine what you told me. But I should've seen it coming. You had the same perspective towards R2384u782. It was the same thing you & her went through, that me and you did.. I should've listened when she said you were quite stubborn. Everything you said about her, is everything you said to me.. So much for "loving" me right.. Nonetheless, you lied about every damn promise you made. As I.. least I admitted that I fuck up to warn you. Cause while you were speculatin' on the side, blaming every guy for the fucking up in our relationship. It was really you all along.. I worked pretty damn hard. I'm not claiming you haven't.. But it should've been the both of us. You should've trusted me. Maybe that would boost up a lil reassurance to me, instead of having me feel worthless the whole time. But.. let's not look back any more.. Let's not regret or point fingers.. At the moment.. Im frustrated with your behavior.. I don't know what to think of you.. Your so honest, but so bullshit at the same exact time. I'm not even sure if I wanna even fucking speak to you in a year.. with how mad I am at you.. You probably could withstand that.. but if anything.. I hope one of these days you'll put your guard down, and replace your pride with something a little more respectful & God-related. As I will open up my eyes to honesty. And I'm getting there. So thank you. But hopefully.. all that damn aggression, all that pride, all that emotion. Will drain in due time. Cause, honestly.. I'm pretty sure that your dad would be disappointed.. He watches. God watches. But I'm guessing God can't quite get through to you as your dad does. I'm typing this.. only cause I care. I pray for everything you are.
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